


"it will get easier, sweetie"

by Prettything_uglylie



Series: The 100 [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:22:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: “I -” Bellamy’s voice breaks and Murphy feels cold inside, like he’s running on empty with something deeply broken. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, that I never helped you, that I never asked. I’m sorry that I could be a dick to you. And I’m sorry that I never told you how much I love you, and I do. I always have. I love you so much.”





	"it will get easier, sweetie"

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first off the bat: this has suicidal descriptions and includes an attempt. So, uh, I'm sorry and please enjoy!

It hadn’t been a bad day. It had been a day just like any other: long, tireless, full of mundanity and upset, John Murphy had reached his ends. 

The blades hadn been sharp enough - he doesn’t care to call them his blades, he never would have made such a rookie mistake. Lexa had found him - and god, as someone who found his mother on the brink of death, he wouldn blame her if she never forgave him for this. 

There had been a lot of things John Murphy had been expecting to see when his eyes cracked open: the stoic and busy faces of doctors (god, they probably see shit like him all the time), the concerned and fretful faces of nurses as they pluck at the machines around him (he remembers the last time his mom had put him in the hospital, there was a nurse named Michonne who smoothed her hand over his forehead and promised, tone like pouring honey  _“it will get easier, sweetie.”)_

But he hadn’t expected this. 

Hadn’t expected Bellamy Blake’s calloused hand in his own as he sat in those white plastic chairs that Murphy had never actually had someone fill in all of his times in the hospital. Until Bellamy Blake, apparently, a boy he’s had a crush on for literal years. 

“Bellamy?” He rasps out and he can’t make out anymore because big, burly arms that he admittedly leaked all of his dirty thoughts about to Jasper, are wrapping around him, surprisingly comfortable despite the awkward position. He never wants to be let out of Bellamy’s arms, admittedly. 

Bellamy’s arms feel warm - safe, like he’s returning to the proverbial clarity of a home he’s never known. After what feels like too quickly but he knows was probably minutes too long, Bellamy pulls away from him. 

“Everyone else is outside in the hall.” Bellamy clarifies like Murphy had cared - or even been expecting anyone at all, let alone all of them. “We’re only allowed to come in one at a time after some bitchy nurse - Lori, I think, or something white and suburban like that - told us all off for “crowding and pestering.” Raven almost hit her.” 

The light tone drops with Bellamy’s smile and it gets agonisingly serious. The curly-haired man runs his hand through said curls before he looks serious but tears brim his eyes. 

“I -” Bellamy’s voice breaks and Murphy feels cold inside, like he’s running on empty with something deeply broken. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, that I never helped you, that I never asked. I’m sorry that I could be a dick to you. And I’m sorry that I never told you how much I love you, and I do. I always have. I love you so much.” 

Bellamy seems to note that Murphy looks shellshocked - and he is, face an open look of surprise and confusion and eyebrows drawn together. Bellamy sheepishly smiles, looking embarrassed and tears streaming down his cheeks too, “I’m sorry if I hugged you for an unreasonable amount of time.” 

Murphy whispers out, tears running down his cheeks as he finally feels overwhelmed and admits, “I love you too... hold me?” 

He moves the sheets a bit on the side that isn’t hooked up and Bellamy seems to jump at the chance. 

Murphy is grateful. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fic! Please leave a kudos/comment as it feeds my skin complexion ;)


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